Spirituality and Religion – Why am I such a misfit?

“No matter how normal people look, living ordinary lives, everyone has a story to tell.  Maybe, just like you, everyone else is a misfit too.”    Sanhita Baruah

I was raised a Catholic, a pretty loosey-goosey kind of Catholic.  You know – Mass on holy days, received all of the sacraments; kind of Catholic.  I married in the church and baptized my babies.  As an adult, I have always been curious about theology and religion.  I read and learned as much as I could about different religious traditions.  I raised my three children catholic.   We are the family that still says grace before meals, baffling some pint-sized guests through the years.  We were part of a lovely parish community for many years.  My little angels raised their voices in worship with the choir.  My first-born served as one of the first female altar servers in our parish.  I even taught religious education for several years.   I did bible studies and was involved in some ministries at my church.  I love the music and ritual of the Mass and the consanguinity of the parish community.  I tried to make it all work.    But – inside,  I never felt that I really fit in.

I have always had a deep, absolute faith in the existence of God.  I have always known the presence of a benevolent and loving higher power.  I have always dedicated time to prayer, which I consider intimate conversation with God. I have always felt the nearness of my guardian angel.  The confines of organized religion, however, have never really felt quite “right” to me.  I have great difficulty with some of the man-made doctrine and dogma which traditional religions epitomize.  The crisis in the local archdiocese several years ago, and the subsequent actions of the church, proved to me that the catholic church was of man – not God.   I struggled for a long time, sorting out my feelings and core beliefs.  There are some tenets of Catholicism that I retain from my upbringing,  which I carry forward as components of my personal belief system.  There are also some that I just do not accept.  I do not mean to insult or offend anyone who truly follows an organized religion. I had to find my own way, my own path. In the end,  we all do.

I have also always had the knowledge, deep in my heart and soul,  that I was born with spiritual gifts. During my childhood, I did not understand my metaphysical abilities, and eventually began to deny them and hide what I was experiencing.  It is no secret, that there is long-held animosity toward psychics within some religions.  Although history shows documented mystics, prophets and people with spiritual gifts throughout time, to claim to possess those gifts now is to invite ridicule or even hostility.  Although, I have witnessed broader acceptance in recent years, the intolerance still exists.  I constantly walked a tightrope between my two worlds.  I saw so many premonitions become reality that I had no choice but to accept it.  I have communicated with too many spirits to deny that it is possible.  My views on heaven, and the continuance of the soul in the afterlife, have evolved and grown. I know that miracles are possible and do sometimes happen.  All of these experiences have helped to shape who I am today.

As I got older, and more comfortable with my abilities, I knew I could no longer deny who I am.  I tried to ignore it, I tried to push it away,  and each time I did, it would be brought forward more insistently.  There is no doubt in my mind, that this guidance to step into my authentic self, was divinely inspired.  I have dedicated many years to exploring, learning about and developing my abilities.  The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.  One thing I understand now, without doubt,  is that my life’s purpose is directly tied into using my gifts and abilities to help other people.  I  teach that we all come into this world with our own special gifts, we need only to develop them.  I know I am not the only one who has had this inner conflict.  I hear often from other people who have a similar story.  There are charlatans, rip-off artists and fakes out there for sure – but that is a different post.

These days I am so much more comfortable with my spirituality.  I am content in my beliefs and do not feel the need to conform to any religious system.  I have respect for the beliefs of others, and I would like them to respect mine as well.  I do not appreciate people who feel that they can force their religion on me.  I do not push my belief system on others. I am still offended when I am told, as I was recently, that what I do is “against God” or “evil”.  As someone who strives every day to keep my vibration high, and believes that my work has a positive impact,  it really burns me to hear such negative and prejudicial attitudes directed toward me.  I believe that my metaphysical abilities are blessings from God.  I no longer hide who I am, or what I do.  I am a work in progress.  I am a light-worker.  I am a child of God.  I am spirit.  I am a misfit still and that is ok.  I am who I am and I no longer worry about the judgment of other people.

We are all connected.  We all have the responsibility to be the best we can be. We can and should shine our lights for the highest and best for all.

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment”   Lao Tzu

Love, Light . . . and God Bless